A story about flying jelly snakes with Tristan Banks

Tristan Bancks joined us to tell us his story on the theme of 'childhood'.

https://www.tristanbancks.com

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To find out more about R.A. Spratt visit raspratt.com
To find out more about Jacqueline Harvey visit jacquelineharvey.com.au
To find out more about Tim Harris visit timharrisbooks.com

Transcript

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Rachel Spratt:  We're all authors. Which means we're storytellers. Normally, we write our stories down. But for this podcast we're going to tell them out loud instead. And today we're going to be telling stories about childhood and Tristan, our guest is bravely going to go first. Tristan, what is your story for us today?

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Tristan Bancks: Well, I have told lots of stories about childhood in my Tom weekly books. I've sort of gone into my childhood in great depth, particularly stuff with my sister. I seem to have lots of sibling rivalry stories, and my sister threatens to sue me, and she says that I'm a liar and says a lot of unsavory things about me which she always has, which is why I tell stories about her in the first place.

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Tristan Bancks: So I've told her. I've told many times the story about her trying to get me to eat veggie mite off her big toe as a kid, and I've told stories about her a time when she you know, we had a hamburger fight, and I've told a lot of stories about my sister, but I thought one that particularly sort of stuck out to me when we were talking about childhood stories, was one with my sons. Actually.

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Tristan Bancks: we were going on a big road trip with our boys and James Roy, the author said to me, You know how to keep your kids not fighting on a road trip. I said, No, how. Please tell me. And he said, Well, you get a bag of lolly snakes, and every time they argue you throw a snake out the window. So

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Tristan Bancks: they know from the beginning. Hey? Here's a big bag of lolly snakes. You can have all of them and split it when you get to your destination. If you can just be nice to each other for this road trip. And I thought, that's so good because they both love lolly snakes. So you know, we get in. We clipped them in. I think they were like 4 and 6 or something. Start the engine, and they're already arguing. And I've already explained the rules. And I'm like, Okay, are you guys already doing this? Throw a lolly snake out the window.

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Tristan Bancks: One of my sons is absolutely devastated to see the lolly snake go out the window and is screaming.

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Tristan Bancks: The other one thinks it's the greatest thing he's ever seen in his life. He thinks it's hilarious, seeing these snakes go actually go out the window, and that their father, who's supposed to be a responsible figure, is doing this. So of course, I throw another lily snake out the window. My one son is absolutely screaming and crying, the other one's laughing. Then they start fighting with each other, and so another snake goes. There are 3 snakes out the window before we get out of our like parking garage thing.

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Tristan Bancks: and you know we're on the verge of sort of family breakdown, and it was an absolute disaster. And so I went back to James Roy, and I said.

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Tristan Bancks: what happened? I tried the thing that you said like, how did you do it that you know that it worked? And he said, Oh, I didn't actually try it. I just thought it'd be a funny idea.

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Tristan Bancks: Yeah, I was very thankful to him for that, but I just thought it was sort of one of those things when your kids have different personalities kind of thing. How one can get such joy out of the thing that absolutely destroys the other one. So don't try it.

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Rachel Spratt: My kids are a hundred percent like that. It's like whatever they one of them likes, the other will hate. I think they're like, I always think of it. Is there like jigsaw puzzle pieces that just fit together, perfectly, genetically designed to argue about every topic on the face of the earth.

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Tim Harris: Okay.

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Jacqueline Harvey: You know what my husband he would have. He would have eaten the lolly snake rather than throwing it out the window. He would have just gone like I'm gonna eat this one. So rather than yeah, wasting a good jelly snake.

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Tristan Bancks: That's true. It took hours to to sweep up all the lolly snakes out of the garage, you know.

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Rachel Spratt: My daughter once we went up to Somerset. No, it wasn't Somerset. It was the Whitsundays festival, and I had to take her. She was 2, and I took my dad to look after her, which was a mistake, because he was harder to look after than the 2 year old. But we got a hire car at the airport.

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Rachel Spratt: and she, just because we had a child locks on the car at home. She just like on the freeway. Open the door of the car. She's in a child seat, just threw open the door.

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Tim Harris: As well.

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Rachel Spratt: Would have gone after the lollies if I mean lollies out of the window.

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Tristan Bancks: Yeah, it's a great, isn't it? The kid, you know, the lolly snake going out the window, and the kid in a movie sense, diving out after the lolly snake

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Tristan Bancks: have yet.

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Rachel Spratt: There was a great joke on the

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Rachel Spratt: the Cosby show, which I know we shouldn't talk about, because Bill Cosby's been canceled, but, like the mother comes home with Vanessa and Rudy, and the mother is just steamy with anger, and Bill Cosby says what happened? She said. Well, Vanessa, no sorry. Rudy threw Vanessa's doll out the window of the car, and then Vanessa tried to throw Rudy.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Yeah, Molly's a highly emotive things, though, aren't they? Cause? We in our family we're very all very partial to Violet crumbles, and you know you buy the big bag, the family bag of violet crumbles, and you know the little violet crumbles, and my dad absolutely loves violet crumbles. And so he had a ploy to make sure that we didn't eat the violet crumbles because he would open up the bag, and then he would randomly take one out, and he would leave it and put it back in the.

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Tim Harris: Oh!

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Rachel Spratt: All.

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Tristan Bancks: We used to do that with Chip like hot chips with my mates when I was friends that ended up in in Scott Town. Actually we we used to. They were 2 twins, and we used to hang out and we go and get hot chips, and someone would always like either leak or spit, or do something horrible to the other ones. Couldn't get any of them. It's

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah, I hate tomato sauce to me. It's just like sugar syrup. I don't understand why you would put it on something as beautiful as a hot chip. And so my kids know this about me. So as soon as they ever get hot chips they just bathe them in sauce, because to stop me eating their food. It's so disgusting.

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Jacqueline Harvey: That's not right.

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Tristan Bancks: None.

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Rachel Spratt: Now, Jacky, do you wanna go first? Do you have a story for you? You can say no if you wanna have a think cause. I've got one primed and ready to go.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Oh, you you go! And then I'll I'm I'm debating between a couple of different ones.

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Rachel Spratt: Ok, all right. Do you want me to go next? Tim?

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Tim Harris: Defra.

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Rachel Spratt: Okay, cause. My story is also about lollies.

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Rachel Spratt: Because you, you might not know this. Tristan. It's it's come up in previous stories I'm dead inside, and I have no emotional stories about people, because, the thing I truly care about is lollies. When I was a child, that's all I cared about lollies like I didn't have young love or anything except for my love of lollies. So this is a story that my children love me telling this story because it's a shocking insight into the way children were raised in the early eighties. So picture this. It's 1980.

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Rachel Spratt: My family has only lived. I'm 5 years old, and my family's only lived in Australia for 3 years, and my mother grew up in a very rural village in the Cotswolds, so she probably has a different idea about how children should be raised. So that's the kindest thing I can say about why this situation happened because I was 4 or 5, so my brother was 2 years older. He was 6 or 7, and she gave us 20 cents each, and said we could go to the corner shop on our own to buy lollies, which in hindsight I just cannot conceive

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Rachel Spratt: of letting a child walk 3 blocks through Sydney like quite a busy neighborhood at that age like it's so young, like, you see, kindly kids at school. And I wasn't in school yet. I was that young, and she just let us go off into the streets. It was 3 blocks.

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Rachel Spratt: and 2 of the streets we had to cross were not too bad, but one of them, Wentworth Road, was really quite busy. So this is in Burwood. We used to live in Angel, right? I can say that now, because we don't live there any bit more. So you want to go check it out. It's right by Trinity.

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Rachel Spratt: So we set off, and we'd been given very strict instructions about crossing the road. I had to hold my brother's hand, which was disgusting because he's a boy, and he's my brother, who, I don't. You know. You never like your brothers and sisters. At least I didn't.

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Rachel Spratt: but we had to hold, and we weren't to run across the road. We were to look both ways. We had strict instructions. So we did that. We set off. We walked. It seemed like, you know, miles and miles. It's probably like 800 meters total. But anyway, we got across the first road. Fine second road fine. Got to Wentworth Road, and we'd really concentrate because there's trucks, and it's, you know, busy. And it's the speed limits higher.

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Rachel Spratt: but we got across, and it was fine. So we get to the milk bar, and like this is an old school milk bar with the lolly counter, with the glass front and the boxes, like the trays full of loose lollies and 20 cents, would go a long way like 20 cents was more than we'd ever had. It was so much to us, and the lollies were all either one cent or 2 cent.

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Rachel Spratt: and but the 2 cent ones was sometimes better value, like a cobba, like the caramel covered in chocolate. It was 2 cents, but it lasted longer, whereas a freckle was one cent.

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Rachel Spratt: But you know, you can go through a freckle. So you had to make these really big strategic decisions about, how are you gonna spend your 20 cents. So you'd be sat, and we were like the level of the glass. So we'd be staring in, you know, like I'll have one of those and 2 of those. No, no one of those. The lady behind the counter hated us so much like. I remember it vividly. I thought she was old. She was probably in her twenties and her standing there with crossed arms.

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Rachel Spratt: Let's make a decision already, and it was one of those shops where they lived above the shop. You could see their living room through the door, and she'd be watching daytime soaps and so angry that we were taking like 25 min to decide on our 20 cents of lollies.

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Rachel Spratt: And you gotta imagine this, too. I had the thickest Gloucestershire accent, like people who knew me then could not understand what I say. So it'd be like, I'll have one of those cobbers, and I'll have 3 frack girls and like. So it would have been a whole thing. Finally, decisions made, and you know they'd be in the white paper bag, and it was so satisfying you'd hold they'd hold the corners. They'd you'd be finished, you'd hand out your 20 cents. They'd hold it by the corners, and they'd flip it over to seal it.

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Rachel Spratt: So satisfying. So we had them each in our tiny little juvenile, very young hands, and we set off to return home after being through this whole ordeal, actually communicating with an adult.

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Rachel Spratt: and we were walking home, and we, you know, we cross the first street and we that's fine. Then we get to Wentworth Road, the busy street, and there's much more traffic now, because it's half an hour later, and I'm holding my brother's sweaty hands, and we're waiting waiting for a gap, and there's a gap. So we start walking. We're holding hands. We walk across. We get almost all the way across, and I drop my bag of lolly.

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Tim Harris: No.

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Rachel Spratt: But we had been told you walk from one side to the other. You do not stop for anything. So we walked all the way, and I'm like.

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Rachel Spratt: and but we get to the other. He's like, keep walking. Keep walking, and we get to the other side, and we turn around this all this traffic, and he's like, just wait, there'll be, and they're just lying there on the bitchman this, this beautiful, perfect little flipped over bag of lollies in the white paper, and he's like it'll be fine. We'll just wait for another gap in the traffic. You'll stay here. I'll go out and get them. And I'm like, Okay, and they're just like 2 meters away. They're like so close. But we're watching them. We're watching them. And there's like a car. Zoom, zoom.

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Rachel Spratt: and it goes over the top of the lollies and like.

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Rachel Spratt: then they're fine. It's like, Oh, and then another one's like, Oh, they're okay. And then another car, and it goes round the lizard, I was thinking.

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Rachel Spratt: and then a truck comes

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Rachel Spratt: big like a woolly's truck with like 6 wheels, and it's coming, and we're looking at it, and it's just barreling down the hill, and whoop goes straight over the top of the lollies. Brines like the I remember the image vividly. The white bag was ground into the bitmand, there was powdered sugar just sprayed out on, and just the heart break.

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Rachel Spratt: and there's 2 more cars go past, my brother goes out and peels the paper bag off, and he brings it back in his like one sort of half savable lolly.

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Rachel Spratt: and we just walk home, and I'm and I'm just devastated. This is like the worst thing

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Rachel Spratt: happened in my entire childhood, and I'm distraught, and I'm just wailing. And of course my brother's not going to share his, and I don't expect him to, because I wouldn't share with him and my mother. There's nothing she can do because she didn't have a car or anything. So I just wail all afternoon. And then eventually my dad came home from work.

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Rachel Spratt: and because my mom didn't drive. We had no car. He came over. It was dark, and this was also in the 80 S. So no shops are open after dark, and I'm still just like I'm exhausted with crying for hours, and I'm in my pyjamas, and he says, Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll buy you some lollies, and I get in his car and we drive around Burwood, trying to find something that's open.

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Rachel Spratt: And he found a newsagent by the train station, and we went in.

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Rachel Spratt: and he bought me a packet of tic tacs, orange tic tacs.

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Rachel Spratt: And I was so smug because tic tacs cost more than 20 cents. Yeah.

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Rachel Spratt: I am. Did you.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Like them. They rage because tic tacs were the thing that I hated as a kid.

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Tristan Bancks: Arizona.

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Rachel Spratt: I love them, and and you could get the orange and lime ones where they were split down the middle and half were green and a half. No, I loved them. I I like I love my dad so much that in that moment, like it was the greatest daughter Father Bond ever of like slightly naughty being in a newsagent at 8 o'clock at night in your pajamas buying, and, you know, like my brother, he only got 20 cents worth of lollies, and I would have got like 27 cents on.

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Tristan Bancks: I love the kind of optical illusion with orange tic tacs, that you think that the tic tacs are orange. But actually, it's just the container that has, and then you take it out and the tic tacs are white. But you put suddenly they look orange again. Wasn't that the way.

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Rachel Spratt: Because that's the thing, too, is like you never. Sure if the things you remember from early childhood was the way it was because I thought orange ticaks were orange, and then at some point they changed a white. But maybe I'm misimaging in it because.

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Jacqueline Harvey: I think you're right, Rachel. I think they were orange tic for a while they were orange flavored tic tacs because I didn't like them. I liked mint ones, but not orange ones.

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Tristan Bancks: I think you're right, too.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah, spearmit ones are from the devil, like my youngest daughter, choose gum, and like I had a flat out rule, no gum in the house gum is disgusting. It gets into the carpet, and then she got braces, and the orthodontist said she should have gum, and I'm like, Oh.

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Rachel Spratt: and I said, Okay, you can have gum, but no spearmint, because spearmint smells disgusting. It makes me want to be sick, and so, of course, all she does is spear and gum all the time.

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Tristan Bancks: Good luck!

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Jacqueline Harvey: I.

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Tristan Bancks: You're like the Prime Minister of Singapore, don't they? Don't they sort of put you to death or something? If you chew gum in Singapore or.

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Rachel Spratt: I think they came you with like a really like a 2 metre long, like bamboo cane. And you know, Tilly.

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Tristan Bancks: Now the.

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Rachel Spratt: Need

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Rachel Spratt: those?

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Tim Harris: I got a I got a free packet of gum yesterday from a service station attended. I was just filling up for petrol, and went in. And you know the power of people's names. I think it's always polite and nice to empower cause. Often these workers, they they get treated pretty poorly sometimes. So I always call him by that name if I have an name badge. And this guy, Tony was working. And I said, Okay, Tony, just number 5. Thanks! And he looked at me and spent.

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Tim Harris: Do you want some chewing gum? I said. Sure, and he help yourself went. Really, he's like, yep, so I grab some yesterday, so I haven't bought a packet in years. So that was pretty cool. The power of the name.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah.

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Jacqueline Harvey: I, I think we should change the theme about of this whole podcast so rich cause. I've thought of about a great childhood story. And it's also to do with lollies and chocolate. So we could be doing that. Okay, so so when I was in year 2,

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Jacqueline Harvey: so I was 7, and we lived in Ingleburn at the time, and our school was right sort of on the edge of where all the shops are in Ingleburn, and so

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Jacqueline Harvey: I had this friend, and I I say that loosely, you know, a friend inverted commas who had said to me that she thought it was a good idea if we went up the street and bought some curly worries.

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Jacqueline Harvey: You remember the curly Wellies, though, and they and back in the in the seventies. They you could actually like

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Jacqueline Harvey: pull it. And it was this caramel with coated with chocolate.

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Rachel Spratt: Still, get them.

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Jacqueline Harvey: You can, but they're not the same formula anymore, because they're not as pullable. And you know you can't. They're not not quite the same. But I was absolutely in love with Curly Williams. I thought that was the best thing ever those, and Violet crumbles.

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Jacqueline Harvey: anyway. So this friend of mine says, you know, we should go and get some curly worries at lunchtime, you know, at lunchtime, and and so

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Jacqueline Harvey: I don't know what I was thinking, because I was a really good kid. I was. You know, I was scared of being in trouble. I didn't want to be in trouble, and anyway, so we had to sneak all the way across the primary school playground

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Jacqueline Harvey: to get to the gate that would let us get to the side of the school where the shop was around the corner, so I don't know what got there. What possessed me. Possibly it was because I did have there was some fairly evil teachers at my school, and one of whom was the she was the head of the Infants department, Mrs. Williamson. She used to walk around with a not a not a meter ruler, not a 30 cm, a 50 cm ruler.

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Jacqueline Harvey: basically glued to her side. And at lunchtime, if you were caught doing anything wrong, she would whack you on the backside with it. So I was. You know. I really didn't like school much at this point. I thought teachers were evil. Anyway. So

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Jacqueline Harvey: off we go, and we sneak across the primary playground. And I remember, like in the shadows we're in the in the sort of edge of the playground on the periphery, and we get to the gate. And I'm like, Well, this is going way better. I thought it would go anyway. We walk out the gate, and we just like walk with purpose like the sassy little 7 year olds down the street.

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Jacqueline Harvey: and we we turn left at the first corner because there was a little like corner shop that was actually not in the corner. It was in the middle of the shops. But it was, you know, that kind of milk, Barry type thing.

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Jacqueline Harvey: anyway. I remember it had one of those to remember the old fashioned screen doors that were kind of like grey aluminium down the bottom, the screen at the top. And then they had those long, flappy you know the plastic strips that would.

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Tim Harris: Yeah.

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Jacqueline Harvey: So anyway, I'm thinking, like we're doing really well here, and I don't even know where we got the money from. She must have had the money she must have been the rich girl, cause I I wouldn't have had a sent on me, I'm sure. Anyway, we walk in, and

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Jacqueline Harvey: this woman behind the counter doesn't even blink. You know that 2 7 year olds are out of school in the middle of the day. Fine curling. So anyway.

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Jacqueline Harvey: we buy our curly wellies, we're, you know, got ready to tuck into our curly wellies.

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Jacqueline Harvey: and we open the door to go back out into the street, and my mother is standing there with my sister.

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Tim Harris: Oh!

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Jacqueline Harvey: Stroll!

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Tristan Bancks: No way.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Yeah.

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Tristan Bancks: Are the chances.

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Jacqueline Harvey: What are the chances? Suffice to say? I did not wag school again until I was in year 12.

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Tim Harris: And I.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Again. It was for food. I I think we're on a free period. I had a car we lived in Camden by the stage, and I drove a bunch of kids to Mcdonald's at Campbelltown, because somebody basically said we should get Mcdonald's. And I hop, okay. And it was like the naughtiest thing that I did the whole time.

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Jacqueline Harvey: So there you go, I got, you know, stung for a curly, wiry.

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Tristan Bancks: Do you have a lolly story, Tim, or is yours? Non, non, Lolly related.

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Tim Harris: I've I've actually got 2 sort of one revolves around Lolly packaging cause. When when you were talking about tic tacs, I remember I had a little empty packet of orange tic tacs, and I'm I'm sure it was either my brothers or I had the tic tacs, and it was this really

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Tim Harris: precious little item that it must. I must have been kind to your year one, because this is like really early memories. And I used to just collect things in this orange tic container and I think I remember sort of cycling through different stages of collecting things. So at 1 point it was grass, you know, just putting, finding little blades of grass and putting it.

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Tim Harris: Then it got to a little like a little beetle or bug stage, you know, walking around the playground looking for little insects and putting them in and then letting them go at home.

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Tim Harris: And it was it, and it went, for it lasted for ages, and it was like a real thing that I had this. It was this precious little orange tic, tac container. And then what jolted. This memory to life, was standing in the playground one day and a a year, 5 or 6 boy running up to me.

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Tim Harris: snatching it out of my hand

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Tim Harris: and crushing it in his bare hands.

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Tim Harris: and just going, and then throwing it on the ground.

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Tim Harris: but for no reason. And so, you know, these are the. These are the memories that really come to life. But then what happened after that is another big boy

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Tim Harris: ran. He saw who saw it. He ran over and full on. Karate, kicked this fully in the chest and sent him flying, and I remember feeling so empowered that someone stood up for this little boy, I think they both got in huge trouble. But but of course I didn't have my little tic container anymore. Yeah. So that was a heartbreak.

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Tristan Bancks: Karate ticket, and I have to crush a tic-tac container with his bare hand. That's like the bulk kind of stuff.

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Tim Harris: Absolutely wow! But the other one actually and coincidentally, Tristan, you are familiar with the the property that this story takes place, and it was the Allendale farm

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Tim Harris: out of out of North region. It would have been where you possibly would have met Mark.

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Tim Harris: my step, cousin.

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Tim Harris: when he was on his farm. No.

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Tristan Bancks: No, mark your step, cousin, on Allendale Farm.

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Tim Harris: Maybe you met him. Maybe you met him when maybe after that sold the phone.

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Tristan Bancks: Of course. Yeah, yeah, sorry, I thought about that connection. Yeah.

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Tim Harris: Yeah, yeah, so, so,

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Rachel Spratt: Kristen. That was Tristan's identical twin, Tristan

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Rachel Spratt: Tristan. 2.

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Tim Harris: Yeah. Cause, Tristan, I discovered a few years ago. We have this really bizarre

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Tim Harris: sort of connection from many, many years ago.

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Tim Harris: my my step, cousin, but used to hang out with Tristan a fair bit. And so this is, I think, possibly my very earliest memories, and you know how those like told the memories that we have. It's almost like a dream sequence in a movie where we have vague recollections of colors and shapes, and and roughly, what's going on? But of course it takes something pretty horrendous to to bring it to life and make it quite vivid. So the Allendale farms is beautiful big farm,

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Tim Harris: on the Hawkesbury River, near North Richmond, and my grandparents, who well, my grandfather, who was born in South Africa and migrated to Australia purchased the farm with his brother, my great uncle, and then they handed it down to my mum's brother, my my uncle Stuart. And so this farm has sort of been in the family for quite a few years, and it was famous for growing oranges.

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Tim Harris: I think one of the cottage ads might have been filmed on the. You know that my dad picks the fruit that.

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Rachel Spratt: Goes to make the cordial.

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Tim Harris: I like.

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Rachel Spratt: Best, and so.

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Tim Harris: It's this beautiful farm. Lots of beautiful straight rows of orange trees, so sort of the earliest warm memories of these beautiful shades of yellow and orange, and and walking along and picking oranges with my grandparents and paying them and eating them.

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Tim Harris: My step, cousin Kim, had a birthday party there

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Tim Harris: around the pool. And I might just remember lots of big kids. And and again, things are very dream sequence. Likely I'm not quite specific on the details, but what I do remember doing is falling into the pool and not being able to swim. And this this sheer panic of not quite comprehending what's going on, but realizing that I that I can't breathe, and I'm struggling, kicking. And then suddenly this big strong.

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Tim Harris: you know, sort of sweeping down, it was my uncle. My uncle had been keeping an eye on and seeing what had happened, and I don't even know how long was in the water, but I do know it was long enough to to really panic me. But apparently, if you're a toddler and you fall into a pool and almost drown

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Tim Harris: you get showered with sweets of the party. I was treated like absolute royalty. Hopefully. The audio didn't go there, so I guess for the rest of this party I was out treated like royalty, and then I just again this sort of drain, like sequence of having a massive bowl of lollies on my laps, and being under very close guard for the rest of the party.

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Tristan Bancks: That's so good, and all the other kids are falling in the pool and going hell.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Yes, pretending they can't swim.

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Rachel Spratt: Oh, very cool. How old were you that you couldn't swim.

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Tim Harris: It must have been 3 or 4.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah, yeah. I remember when we first came to Australia being taken to a pool party and my parents being terrified, and they had, like some sort of old school flotation device that had like 8, like polycyrene tubes, like built into the swimming costume. And I I like you, say I I would have been 3 and be remembering vividly everyone like handling me cause they were terrified. I was gonna drown because I had no idea I probably never been in a pool before.

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Jacqueline Harvey: I we had an into interesting experiences in Vietnam the other week, where I saw fully grown adults wearing adult floaties in the result pool that were like full on like adult size floaties.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah, yeah.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Size ones. And this result, cool like it was only about maybe 4 and a half 8 days. So it was kind of bizarre, especially to me as an Australian who was thrown into the pool when she was a toddler, and so learned to swim. Really, young. But yeah, it doesn't. I guess you just don't realize how many people can't swim and don't know how to swim. And

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Tim Harris: The the news in summer. In, you know. Often the the drownings that happen around Australia are tourists, but know how to swim, and they get caught in the you know the rips.

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Jacqueline Harvey: This was a resort pool that was fairly shallow, but they also had life jackets people could wear as well. But then there was this little Russian girl, and she was only 3. She was about to turn 4,

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Jacqueline Harvey: and she could swim like a fish, and her mother, you know her mother's like throwing her in, and she says but she was great, and I I called her. I said, Oh, you know you have a little fish, anyway. One day I'll tell you about the conversation with the mother, Olga, about what she and her she and her husband did in Russia, and how she said you should come. There's no one in Russia at the moment. It's good place for tourists right now.

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Jacqueline Harvey: That's her.

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Jacqueline Harvey: I've got some great stories from it.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah, I took my kids to

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Rachel Spratt: Paris sounds very pretentious, but we went to Versailles, and they've got this huge pond that you can row on so my husband said I had to take the girls to do that. It was actually really hard work, but I did it.

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Rachel Spratt: and but it's only like 3 feet deep. But anyone under the age of like 13 they make them wear life best, and I'm looking at. And there's all these like, you say, adults from different countries who look so trepidatious, and they're all volunteering to put the live trip. And I think my kid can swim like a kilometer like she's 6, but she's really good at swimming like, and she can also walk, and it's only 3 feet.

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Rachel Spratt: You just take it for granted, I mean in a way like I admire people who at least have the common sense to say I cannot swim. I can see this going pear shaped.

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Tristan Bancks: We always pool, but it was an above ground pool, and you know, over the years we sort of let it go. And it, you know, for years it just lay dormant with thick slime and.

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Rachel Spratt: So.

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Tristan Bancks: Pads, and just you know, you'd see bubbles kind of emerge from it every now and then.

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Rachel Spratt: The Loch Ness monster emerges one day.

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Tristan Bancks: We we had one. I had one friend. What that one friend who'll do anything for, like, you know, for 5 bucks kind of thing, and we all said, We'll give you like a dollar each, you know. There are a few of us if you go in the pool that hasn't been cleaned

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Tristan Bancks: years, or something like that, and he did it, and actually went in there and like came out with just disgusting slime. It was actually unrecognizable, like a sea monster kind of thing when he came out of this slide, and he did it, for like 5 bucks.

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Rachel Spratt: That's.

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Tim Harris: So n.

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Jacqueline Harvey: And he lived to tell the tale. He didn't die of some horrible disease afterwards.

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Tristan Bancks: Got in.

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Jacqueline Harvey: The, the.

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Tim Harris: Comedian, Mitch Hedberg has a great little joke about above ground pools, he says. Have you ever noticed that above ground swimming pools? Have commercials that last for a maximum of 15 s. He says that is because it's the maximum amount of fun that you can have in an above ground pool.

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Tristan Bancks: Yeah, it wasn't. It was yeah. There's something wrong about them. But.

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Rachel Spratt: I've always wanted to. I saw on Burke's backyard back in the day someone who bought a house and it had a pool, and he didn't want a pool, so he just turned it into a huge fish pond, and I thought that would be so cool. And then he loved his huge fish pond. So he put in 2 more pools and just had 3 huge fish ponds. And I thought, I want to be the crazy, eccentric lady who has that in her backyard.

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Jacqueline Harvey: I know Chris.

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Rachel Spratt: So much fun.

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Tristan Bancks: Oh!

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Jacqueline Harvey: Very good.

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Rachel Spratt: Well, we better wrap it up. But do you want to hear my Tristan story? Tristan?

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Jacqueline Harvey: Oh, yeah, Tristan, you want to hear this.

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Jacqueline Harvey: You may not want to hear this.

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Rachel Spratt: Alright. So it was bookweek last year, and it was quite late in book week. I tend to sort of go all around the country, and then finish up with Sydney for the last week or 2. So it was in the sort of southwest of Sydney. It was one of those, you know, a lot of house and states not a lot of tree areas. The kids were actually really nice smart kids. But the librarian

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Rachel Spratt: was it like.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Not name her. Don't name her Rachel.

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Rachel Spratt: No, I watch. She's a little eccentric. She's nice, really well, mean, really conscientious. But I don't know if you know this about you, Tristan, but librarians love you.

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Jacqueline Harvey: And Tim and Tim. Actually, no, no, Rachel, just extend that to everybody who writes a book for kids who is a boy

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Jacqueline Harvey: is well loved.

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Rachel Spratt: Libraries love Tim, too. But seriously, they really like Tristan. So they ask about him. But anyway, so I stood this school, and I'm sort of at this stage of my career where I'm actually, I got kind of tickets on myself. I think I'm doing pretty well my books to sell, really well, I've sold a lot of books. I've sold a lot of books in the States. My podcast is just gangbusters, my story bedtime stories, one like millions and billions of people have seen.

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Rachel Spratt: I'm at the stage of my career. I'm 48. I'm not a kid anymore. Like I'm kind of proud of where I am. I have a bit of gravitas, bit of dignity, and I, you know, when I turn up at a school I I don't have a charge or anything. I think so. I got this sort of sense of they should be happy. I'm here that I've come to their school that I've you know, taken a day away from my family to come and talk to them, you know, like it's, you know, that's kind of my attitude is like they should

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Rachel Spratt: probably be happy to see me. So anyway, I go to the school, and I'm going to do 3 presentations. The first presentation they get all the kids in.

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Rachel Spratt: The librarian does this big introduction for me. And her introduction is okay, kids. Well, we've got an author here today for bookweak.

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Rachel Spratt: and we got our I sprat because we couldn't get Tristan banks because they couldn't get Tristan banks. And apparently she just really wants to marry you. Yeah.

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Tristan Bancks: And and.

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Rachel Spratt: I was a little like taking it back aside. That's my introduction. Now you're not going to list my books. You're just going to say you got me because you couldn't get Tristan Banks. It's like, Oh, yeah. And then the very next school I went to

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Rachel Spratt: the teacher was just like she was just going on about how much she loved you, and how she really wanted to meet you. And she thought you were the best. And I'm like, Okay, fine.

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Tristan Bancks: How funny! My wife thinks I have an unhealthily close relationships relationship with librarians. But she's since I was at university, since I was going to the university library and stuff, and that I just spent too much time in the library or something like that, anyway. So maybe it's just yeah, I don't know.

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Rachel Spratt: I.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Contact with them also.

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Rachel Spratt: I think, cause my brother has this like George Clooney trick that makes all middleaged women fall in love with him. It's like it's it's like watching a magician bewitch someone before your eyes. He! He works on gay guys, too, and it's sort of like he looks down. He looks up, and he looks right into their eyes, and they just melt. And he's not that pleasant a person, but every single time it works. Do you do something like that. Do you have like a mood.

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Tristan Bancks: No, I don't have anything like that. I just. I'm not sure I think you could be lying. I think this is just.

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Jacqueline Harvey: No, no, this is a true story. She told me straight away. Tristan, it's a true story.

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Rachel Spratt: I've been. I've been telling this life for years. If it's true.

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Jacqueline Harvey: She called me up straight away. You know that. Move your that move that your brother has, I tell you. Who does have that move.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Felicia? Felicia.

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Rachel Spratt: Oh, he! But he he's been working that move like like.

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Jacqueline Harvey: He's got that move. He's got the he has the good. Yeah. Yeah. And he makes. I've I've seen him bewitch people like that, too.

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Tristan Bancks: I've got a.

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Rachel Spratt: Question for you, Tim. Have you ever had any complaints about things you said in author talks.

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Tim Harris: Yes, in. I think the second or third author talk I worked out. There's this really great way to get a laugh, and that's when, if a kid you you ask the kid their name, and however they say their name, you mimic it back to them. You know how sometimes kids get a bit overconfident, and their voice might crack or break, or

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Tim Harris: and I might say, what's your name? Or Riley? And you go okay, Riley, Why don't you come out? And there was boy named Peter, and I said, What's your name? And he went to Peter.

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Jacqueline Harvey: All of us.

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Tim Harris: And I, you know, you know exactly what's going. And I just didn't say it coming. And I said, Okay.

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Tim Harris: pizza, down you come and left, and the whole room feels so, and as soon as the size hit I knew

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Tim Harris: something's gone wrong here, but cause I was so in, you know often when you're talking and presenting, you're so driven by what your next step is, you don't see the whole social picture.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah.

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Tim Harris: And side, and then

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Tim Harris: it got to a point where a a a teacher actually had to stand up and walk to the front and whisper in my ear and say, Tim, just just so. You know Peter has got a speech impediment. So, anyway, so after I gave him every single book that I had on me. I saw it for him, and off I was waiting for an email to come from the school, but thankfully nothing did so that was the only time.

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Rachel Spratt: Never. So you've never had a school complain about you is what I'm asking.

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Tim Harris: No, and Tristan is signing that like that would have been been quite good. Actually.

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Tristan Bancks: It's a little bit like when you, when you I have a thing with year 9 s. Because, as we know, year 9 s. In general don't like to talk that much. I won't ask a lot of questions and stuff. So when I do, year 9 Si sort of have a thing that I still don't know why. It's not funny sort of thing. But I I I kinda always say, oh, so just out of habit. Oh, so does anyone have any questions, and I'm always hopeful. You know what I mean.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Tristan Bancks: Back and forth discussion just so that it's not me just me talking all that. And then, of course, there's no questions. And then I'm like, Oh, sorry you're in year 9. I should know that, you know you don't speak in public or whatever, and it always kills the room. No year 9 student thinks that that is even slightly humorous at all. And I don't recommend it so. Yes, I try that one never point out that the audience isn't speaking to you. Just say the next thing and get moving.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah, yeah, never acknowledge. I always just make up my own questions. You have a question. I've got a question for me. You know that. Yeah.

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Tristan Bancks: That's good.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Keep the momentum going.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah, I did a. They got me to go to this school in Goulburn. That was a really rough school high school, and they got me to talk to like year 9 or something.

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Rachel Spratt: and they were just like they looked like tradies, like they were like big men, and like mullets, and just like lounging like whatever. And they had me in like. It's always awful when you're in a basketball

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Rachel Spratt: caught because the echo it's and they had like me. It was a cable microphone, and the cable was like 30 cm long, so if I tried to move I just would be hanged back by the microphone.

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Rachel Spratt: and I always get them to vote on what I'm gonna read. So that goes terribly wrong. If no one votes for anything. But they did vote enough, cause they all thought it would be really funny if they voted for my most baby like book if they voted for Nanny Piggins, and it was just the best, because I met, because as soon as they picked it I was like, cause I don't care. I can just do Nanny Piggins for 45 min, and

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Rachel Spratt: but it also it won them over. Cause like they're like, Oh, I'm all tough and everything but about 10 min into me doing my story about a flying pig with all the voices they do start to like, giggle and get into it. They just can't help themselves. So yeah, that was kind of fun. Is that? Yeah, you really, it's you do just have to. It's like, you gotta be able to talk through wet cement with kids at that age, don't you?

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Jacqueline Harvey: Yup read the room.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Tristan Bancks: Exactly. Yeah.

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Rachel Spratt: Alright. Well, we better wrap it up. Thank you so much, Tristan, for coming and talking to us, and I'll do the introduction now, because we didn't do the introduction to the beginning because of the technical problems. Okay, Hello, and welcome to real stories with random writers. I'm Ray Spratt. And I'm here with Jacqueline Harvey and Tim Harris, and today's special guest is Tristan Banks.

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Tim Harris: Thanks.

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Rachel Spratt: Tristan is the author of the Tom Weekly Series. The Max Slater Books Knit Boy, Ginger Megs, 2 Wolves, the Fall Detention, and many, many more, and his most recent book is Ska Town. Welcome to the show. Tristan.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Oh, Rachel, do you wanna do the outro as well.

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Rachel Spratt: Yes, I will now do the outro. Thank you so much for being on the show, Trisha. It's so lovely to talk to you and see your handsome face.

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Tristan Bancks: But.

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Rachel Spratt: Thank you for your fabulous stories. It's great. So if you want to find out about sorry if you want to find out any more about any of us. You can go to my website. Rapp, Com, what's your website?

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Tim Harris: Tim Harris books.com.

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Rachel Spratt: Jackie.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Jacqueline harvey.com dot u.

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Rachel Spratt: Tristan, what's your website?

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Tristan Bancks: houstonbanks.com.

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Rachel Spratt: tristanbanks.com. Okay, thank you very much. And until next time, goodbye.

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Jacqueline Harvey: Bye.

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Rachel Spratt: Yeah, alright, thanks, Tristan, that was really, really good.