A story about choosing one book to drive you insane with James Foley

James Foley joins us on the podcast, when we were all at the Somerset Storyfest on the Gold Coast and we told tales about strange things that have happened to us at literary festivals. To find out more about James Foley visit... https://jamesfoley.com.au

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To find out more about R.A. Spratt visit raspratt.com
To find out more about Jacqueline Harvey visit jacquelineharvey.com.au
To find out more about Tim Harris visit timharrisbooks.com

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to real stories with random writers. I'm ra Sprat and I'm here with Jacqueline Harvey and not Tim Harris. He's still in Sydney. We're still on the Gold coast. And today's special guest is James Foley. James is the author and illustrator of stelephant, secret agent mole, Chicken Saurus, Dungzilla, gastronauts and many, many more. He's also illustrated the Toffel Towers series. That dreadful writer, Tim Harrison. Oh, our dear friend Tim Harrison. They've worked together. It's a shame Tim couldn't be here. So you can talk about it. Or maybe it's for the better because you know how authors never let illustrators talk enough? And the last Viking, he's also illustrated the last Viking books and the Amity kids adventures. And James's most recent book is secret agent book three, Doctor Nude, which I think is possibly the coolest title ever. Anyway, welcome to the show. Thank you. Thanks so much for having me. Yeah, no, it's super exciting. We've had two illustrators in a row now. Oh, fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're all storytellers. Normally we write or illustrate stories, but for this podcast we're going to tell them out loud instead. And today we're going to be telling stories about weird things that have happened at festivals because we are at a literary festival right now, so. Oh gosh, I'm going first. It's always weird when I go first, especially when you've done the introduction. Sorry about that. No, it's all right. So anyway, we're at the. We're currently at the Somerset story fest, which is on the Gold coast. They tend to blend together because, particularly the Queensland ones, because you're just hot all the time. Like, you just think, oh, Queensland festival hot. So there's another one up here called the Whitsundays Festival. And I did one, one year there and they had like a circus tent. And I just remember doing that. Oh, I remember that too. Yeah, it was like. And there was like 400 kids in a circus tent. But it was really amazing because the tent was blue and red. So as the light sort of came through, it just like, was beautiful, filtered. Like, it was very dramatic. It was wonderful. But yeah, boiling hot and just a sweat fest. Oh, yeah, it's always a sweat fest. Oh, always boiling hot. But at that same festival, I loved it. I thought I smashed it out of the park. All my presentations went really well. But at the end of the festival they said, we just want you to. One last thing. You've been so great ra spradd and all the other authors like we get in our favourite one. So it was me, Tony Flowers, the illustrator Nick Falk, who writes the books that Tony was illustrating. I can't remember who else. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And for some reason will came along. I always mispronounce will surname Kostakis. He came along too, but he wasn't doing anything and they said, we're gonna take you to the shopping centre. We've got a. We've got an event at the shopping centre, the local Mackay shopping centre for you. It's gonna be fabulous. It's big. It's like a Westfield. It's a big Westfield shopping centre and it's gonna be fabulous. All the kids. Awesome. And we're like, oh, cool. Because, like, I grew up, you know, when neighbours launched and neighbours. A big part of its early success came from doing Westfield shopping centre gigs. They would get all the cast and they'd go around all the westfields all around the country and they're like, oh, and here's Kylie, she's played by this woman, you know, Kylie. That was the name of the character. It was Charlene, was it? Yeah, Charlene, yeah, yeah. And Jason Donovan. They'd have to go all around the country doing that. So I thought, oh, yeah, shopping centre gigs. This is where it's at. There's going to be thousands of people. It'll be like the Beatles but with shops. Felicia Rinna would have done those gigs because he was. Yes, our friend, the children's author, Felicia Rena was on neighbours. I don't know. He was original cast, though. No, no, he wasn't. And he was Marco Alessi for only about a year or so. He was probably later on when they realised they should have some ethnic diversity in the show. He was the token Italian. Does he still dine out on that? Oh, yeah, he does get people recognising. His big claim to fame was that Natalie Bruglia, her character was his girlfriend. No way. I didn't know that. But in the cause, all the people who were in neighbours, they were big in Britain. So he went over to Britain and he was in the head. Yeah, he was in the hair of the musical, was on the West End for years and he did children's television. He did lots of talk shows. It's like, Tristan did lots of stuff. Tristan is another children's illustrator. He was author who was on. He was on home and away. Home and away and went over and had a tv career in Britain where the australian soap operas is huge. And then now has been reduced to being a children's author. And we all missed that part of our careers. We forgot to go. You were a teacher? Were you a teacher too? I studied teaching. I studied primary teaching for two years. And then you met yourself every day. I did the teaching practise and just went, I can't do this every single day. I will go nuts. But it was a great experience. No, I didn't finish the degree, but I also studied graphic design and journalism, so I learned a lot and I ended up doing a degree in called behavioural science, which is psychology. Learns a lot about kids and people. That sets you up well for writing as well. And then I got my day job and that's high number one. Oh, what was your day job? My day job was working for the WA perinatal mental health unit, which is. Awesome about postnatal depression. And I was training. I could have done with some of that. Yeah, lots of people could. I was creating training programmes to train doctors and nurses in what to do and what to spoil. Not be douchebags to people who just had babies because they're full of hormones. And it was totally theoretical for my part. And I thought I understood all that sort of stuff until I had kids. And then you got postnatal depression. My wife and I were just completely exhausted. Fears. Yeah, because women get it really badly. You forget that can be when a baby's born. It can be incredibly triggering to men who've had difficulties childhoods. True. So there's so many issues there for men as well as women. Anyway, we got so much sidetracked from my Westfield story. So the festival is the last event of the festival and they're like, are we going to get the best people from the festival? We're going to take them to Westfield and we're like, yeah, put us in a minivan, take us to the festival. We turn up at the shopping centre and there's this big stage right in the middle of the main atrium of the shopping centre. And there is no one there. No one at all there. It's like a Wednesday or something. No, there's no after school people. There's not even that many shoppers. Like the early morning shoppers have gone. The later in the day ones are there. Just no one. It's like tumbleweeds. And I don't care because I. At this stage of my career, I'd only been an author a few years, but I'd been in tv for ten years, so I had no dignity. I did not care. I used to be a stand up. I can perform in front of drunks who. You can't even understand what I'm saying. They're so drunk. I'm like, oh, this is gonna be so painful. It's gonna be hysterical. But poor Nick Falk. Like, he's actually a psychiatrist, isn't he? Like, he's a proper, real deal, highfalutin knows what he's talking about. Psychiatrist. And he got into kids writing because he thought, oh, this would be more fun than dealing with people who are having just dreadful problems all day long. So he thought, I'll become a super successful children's author and I can give up my incredibly depressing, draining job. So anyway, which pays me a fortune. Which pays a fortune. So he's there and he's just starting out on his writing career and we're there and he's like. He couldn't believe it, that he's expected to get up on stage and perform to no one. And he just hated it so much. It's like, this is so humiliating. This is. And I'm like. And he's like, I can't do it. I can't do it. I was like, just get up, talk a little bit, then get off. It'll be fine. Just go short. It'll be fine. And meanwhile, Nick will is up on the like. And will, this is like eight years ago. So will's like, 34 now. So he's this young 20 something, like, oh, whatever. And he's up on the mezzanine level just taking photos and videos and tweeting our pain. So the only witness is Will and his Twitter account to what we're going through. So Nick goes up and says, oh, and Nick. And Tony is drawing Nick, whatever Nick is saying as he slowly dies. I think I could pretty much do Nick's author talk from beginning to end. I've seen it so many times. He had all this bit about, you know, my books are like a cornetto. There are no boring bits. You just eat through the ice cream. And then you get to the chocolate. They're all excitement. And anyway, so he did his, you know, Gornatro a bit and then I come on and I'm like, I've got no shame. So I get out my bugle and I'm like. Cause I think I'm gonna get everyone in the shopping centre to think there's, like, a traffic accident going on. And so I'm like, blasting my trumpet and trumpets, by the way, fantastic. In shopping centres because they echo off all the solid fittings and it's echoing through this empty shopping centre. And people do start to emerge and they push out their trolleys like, what is going on? And I just launch into my classic nanny Piggins read. You know, nanny Pickens saves Christmas and it's like twas the night before Christmas. Which is ironic because I'm in Mackay in July. So of course nanny Pickens is up on the roofs, Santa proof in the house. So I did the whole thing eventually. I think we peaked at like seven people and then a few of them drifted away and we finished with three. And that was my all time weirdest children's literary festival experience. And anyway, we got back on the bus and Nick, he was almost on the verge of crying. He was just like. And he sweats so much. He smells when he sweats. And he was just drenched in sweat. Sorry, sorry, Nick. He knows. He knows we all got terrible flu once. Cause he was just sneezing all over us. So he's drenched in sweat, clutching his hand. Like, that's the worst experience of my life. And this is someone who deals with children who've had terrible traumas. And I'm like, really? That's the worst you've experienced? Okay. But yeah, it was obviously so bad though because he gave up children's author and went back to. Yeah. And the Whitsundays has never invited me back to that festival. So I wonder what I did. No, no, you have to. That's got about a six, seven, eight year turnaround on the. Oh, okay. Do you don't really. That's one you'll get to go back to after all of the kids have been through the process. Because I think when you've been traumatised like that, you should get like, well, I get brownie grants and I get to come back earlier. So anyway, I've been to Whitsunday youth voices as well, but they never made us do that. So maybe they learn it from that. Experience, I think so. Maybe they got complaints from people in the supermarket saying you shouldn't have had, you know, the mental health unit send out an open mic. They also, at that festival ran out of books to sell and. Yeah, you see, that's like, sorry, a lot of teachers don't realise that the reason authors go to book festivals is so we can sell books so we don't starve to death. Exactly. Right. We've got, you know, mortgages and kids to feed. Yeah. And the kids feet grow and they need new shoes. And so when they say to you on the end of day one. Oh, you're doing so well. You sold out of all your books. No. No. Why? Would you like more? Please. But they actually went to big w and bought out all our stock of books from the big w. Is that. Why you were in the supermarket? I don't. We go in the big darby. You just stand in the movie anyway. And you play a bugle, you do. A show, and I can buy some books. I can't believe they thought that was gonna work. It's not like you guys are. Mmm. Or like a. Yeah, we're not. Well, normally those visual, like, performers that have a very visual set or a musical set. Cause it doesn't matter if you drift in and out, but when you're telling a story, people really need to pay attention, or it doesn't mean very much. But haven't you ever had that someone ask you to, like, oh, come and do a storytelling outside the bookshop? You've never had that before? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, no, it doesn't work. That doesn't work. You can't just drift in and out like a concert. Yeah, true. Oh, my goodness. Is it my turn? Yeah. James, tell us your weird story. I've got a story. As hilarious is that one. I've just got, like, random little things that kids have said, and they're always bizarre and hilarious, and they always come from the most random kids. You wouldn't expect to say them. I had a kid today, this beautiful little blond kid with pigtails, year one. And she got to question and answer time, and she just said, if you. Could read one of your books over and over again for the rest of your life until you died, which one would you pick? And I just thought it was the most incredible, existential thing I'd ever heard anyone say that it should make this five year old. I didn't even know what to say. And you think, where did she get that from? Has someone in her life died recently? Has she been locked in a room with just one book for, like, several months? Exactly. Yeah, but what did you say? I just said, look, am I probably going to go insane doing this? And she went, yeah, you probably will. Okay, well, I'll pick a book that's a bit silly and insane to start with anyway. So I just picked secret agent mole. Cause it's funny and silly, and I've. Got a name and it's current. Of course there's always going to be that thing. If I keep saying which book? You're like, which one do I need. To sell my latest book because I know there's lots in the bookstore and then try and show one thing. But no, it was just a bizarre, profound question to get. Sometimes, sometimes, you know, you go to a school or whatever and they give you a gift and it's often, like, themed with the school logo on it. Might be a pen or a mug. One time I went to this school and they gave me a towel. Oh, and it had the school's logo embroidered in it. Yeah. And I was so bizarre. I've never got a towel with anyone. I got one at Arden. Yeah, it was Arden. Yes. It's just worn out. My kid, my daughter went to Arden. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish that their, their school slogan was Arden up. I've been to that school a number of times and I've never got it. No, well, maybe you weren't very good. Maybe they ran out. Possibly it was that they didn't like me, so they said, no, it's named after a forest from a Shakespeare play, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. It's like one of the. Because, yeah, some shakespearean. Lovely school. But did you use the towel? Not on stage. But I was speaking to these pre. Primary kids and that was when. That was my last session. They gave me the towel and this. Kid in the front said, come back soon and you can wear the towel. And we laughed and then she said. And nothing else? Oh, and we just loved it. It was the most random thing I've ever heard before. That's funny because that's a very christian school. She's probably just thinking, you know, just logically, when people wear towels, they don't wear anything nice. Yeah, exactly. But I kind of like having her working with children cheque. It's kind of necessary for her. You probably need to wear more than just a towel. And it's nice to get something like, we get lots of mugs and pens. Yeah. Once I went to a school and they gave me a bouquet, but it was a bouquet of vegetables and I was promoting nanny Piggins at the time and I was like, have you not read my book? You know? And it's also like, I gotta drive all the way home. It's like, but at least you could drive because I often go to schools and I'll get a great big massive bouquet of flowers and they know that I'm catching a plane very next day and sometimes back to Australia. You can't bring flowers back to Australia. Yeah. Yes. That happened to me in England. I was gifted this absolutely beautiful bouquet of flowers and I was travelling somewhere, you know, to another country the next day. And so I gave it to the school secretary who thought that I was the best. Sweaty. The other weird thing someone once lumbered me with at the airport, the publicist who was looking after me when I was in New Zealand. I was just about to get on the plane and I really like, I love New Zealand wine, but I didn't realise how good New Zealand beer was until I went to New Zealand. So I was drinking that everywhere I went. It's like, oh, the beer's got. So I was talking to her about it. So when she took me to the airport, she gave me like 1010 bottles of beer. And so I was like trying to drink them before I got the plane, otherwise my luggage would have weighed too much. I thought she was going to say they gave her a kiwi. Oh, that would have been cool. I'm just picturing you, like, singing ten. Bottles of beer on the wall, drinking airborne off, and then pulling out the bugle at beer frying. I love it. Oh, it's so good. I love the bugle. Oh, dear. Yes. I had one where I'm not sure if this will work on a podcast because it's, it's. Just say it. We can cut it if it's too rude. I showed the kids some drawings and stuff of books that I made when I was in school, when I was in primary school. And I've got this weird drawing that was based on a dream I had where I had flown up into a nest into a tree in my dream, and then I'd fallen out and someone had caught me, their weirdly shaped hands, and I become their pet. It was a really weird dream. And so I've got this drawing of me in a nest, and there's these movement lines underneath the nest, and I'm falling out, and then this person's catching. And so I ask the kids, you know, what do you think this is about? What's going on? And kids are like, oh, you're a mutant bird boy, or they say you're Batman or whatever. And then this one kid goes, that's not a nest that you're sitting in, that's a shredding machine. And so there's not movement lines, those are your guts. And then the other person's catching the guts. And this kid who said it was. Like just the most softly spoken, picture perfect looking little kid, and I was like, oh my God, you're gonna be a serial killer. Yeah, it was great. I find that the best jokes I get in my set are things that kids have heckled in previous sets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got a classic one from a while ago now. I was doing a big tour in the southwestern suburbs of Sydney, and I think I did 17 schools that were all, quite all schools that wouldn't really get authors very often. And it was a big, you know, it was a really big deal for all these schools. Anyway, I, in my presentation, I was talking about the fact that, you know, I wanted to be an author. And, you know, then I thought, well, I'm not going to die wondering if I could do it or not. And so I gave it a go. And so what would be worse than, you know, if I had never tried and which is basically saying, you know, what would be worse is if you actually never gave it a go. Because I say, I had this great job and I was always able to go back to my teacher or, and I said, so, you know, what would have been worse? And this tiny little girl in the middle of the hall, she's probably about first or second grade, and she put up her hand, she goes, your house burning down. And so I often use that now in my presentation. Yeah, she was. I did one today, like, because I always. I do this whole bit and it's just a blatant excuse for me to say all the titles of my books multiple times. And I do this whole book bit about how your grandparents are great for buying new books, and I do this whole demonstration of how to get a book out of your grandparents. Like, you go to your granny's, are you struggling with literacy? And can you please buy me Friday? Barnes will detect you by rs bright going about, you know, how it's a perfect title for a book because, you know, grandmothers can't cope with complicated names. But Friday's a day of the week. A barn's an agricultural building. She's her. Heard of a girl? A girl? She would have been a girl one or 200 years ago. Did you consider the title series? Thursday abattoir. So I do this whole bit and I act it all out. You know, Granny's going in, she's throwing the credit card and asking for the book and the book that sells it to her. And I get to the end and it's like, really? It's a long story. It gets there and everyone's on the journey with you and it's then I get the book and then Granny buys the book, they suck the money out of her credit card, they shoot 10% off to me and she gives you, the book. And we all live happily ever after. And people usually clap at that point. And this girl in the front row put up her hand and she's looking at me and I know exactly what she's going to say because I get this. Just every year or so, I get one person says to me, she's looking at me, but it's looking right, like, I'm going to stuff you up. And I'm like, what do you want? I say, what are you going to say to me? She's like, my grandmother's a dead. All my grandparents are dead. And I just smiled at her and I said, that's terrible. And you put your hand up at the beginning and said you didn't like reading books too, so you've got lots of tragedy in your life. I said, don't worry, just ask someone else's grandmother. And I just kept moving on. At that point, the librarian's in the back of the room going, right, texting the organisers of the festival. What happens when you look on the kid's face? Like when you fire back at the heck of stuff? Oh, I do occasionally get in trouble. Sorry. Let's go. That's right. Tim Harris is the best. He's not here, so he can't defend himself at saying things that if I said them, I would lose my working with children because he's so sweet and nice. He gets away with. Do you get away with stuff because you're a guy? You know what, probably it's sexism. It's alive and well, isn't it? The whole thing of men tending to get more gigs, too. Yes. It is a real truth in our business, and it's particularly sort of grating for us as females because we outnumber you guys in terms of. There are many more female authors than there are male authors in the children's world. Yeah. And. Yeah. Don't think we don't notice. No, I noticed that. I don't mind too much because I do get those gigs because, like, boys schools, they tend to go for male authors because they want to, because they're boys and they're trying to provide role models for the boys. But for some reason, I am gender neutral, like, because I. I'm not a girly girl. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know my views on the times that I've been invited to a co ed school and they've removed the boys from my. Yeah, I've had that when I was starting out. They'll just bring the girls to your session. Well, I was at this one school a few years back, and, you know, this is off the festival thing. This is more the school talk circuit. But I was at this school and it was in a rural area, and I get there and I say to the librarian, because it was all a little bit, sort of. The organisation was a little bit. I don't know if he might have said, like, I had scant details on some of the things I was doing. And I said, oh, who am I talking to today? And I was told that I was speaking to the girls in year three and four. And I said, but this is a co ed school, isn't it? And the person said to me, yeah. And I said, so what are the boys doing? Because unless they've got a rocket in the back playground, they're flying to the moon this afternoon, I can guarantee that whatever they're doing won't be as exciting as coming to see me. And anyway, I was told that the powers that be decided that you only write books for girls. And at the time, I had Kenzie and Max out as well. And honestly, Alice Weiner and Clementine Rose have tonnes of boy characters. I did a thing once where the teacher was being provocative and he said, I hate Barbie books. I said, well, I had this whole speech about, if you don't like a book or if you are a boy, you should read girl books or books about girl characters so you can have an insight into the way girls and women think, because we make up 50% of the population and you're going to have to spend the whole rest of your life interacting with women. And if you have some insight into the way we work emotionally, that's only going to help you in life. And I'm not saying that has to be every book you read, but, yeah, you want to have a bit of that input so you can be, if nothing else, so you can manipulate women more. The upshot of my story, the end of that story, was that I then asked the person in charge if I was. And I named a couple of big star male authors. I said, well, if I was so and so or so and so, would you take the girls out of that talk? And they looked at me with this sort of look of this incredulous look, like, what do you mean? And I said, well, come on, you know, how is that different to what you're doing to me? And I. So my sort of final shot was I said, well, I want you to go and tell the powers that be that unless the boys come, I'm leaving. And so I did the whole, I'm not staying. I will not abide by this rubbish. Anyway, not only did the boys come, then another, basically the rest of the school pretty much came. And that afternoon I got an email from a parent at that school who. Who said to me, and it sort of started with a, I don't know what you said to my son this afternoon. I was like, oh, good breath. This has gone badly. But then she said, I have to thank you. He has never been keen on reading, and this afternoon he's recounted every story that you told. We have driven into the main town and he has made me go to the bookshop and buy him a whole lot of your books. And I thought, you know, job done. Yeah. Like, if you can do that, that can change the whole trajectory of a kid's life at that age. They take to reading. It can have a huge impact. Absolutely. So can I tell you my festival? Yeah, yeah, tell festival. Well, mine's a fun festival story, so can we just pause to say that on the whole, festivals are so much fun. And they're fun because random stuff happens at festivals that doesn't happen at school visits. Plus we're surrounded by our friends, so we can rush back to the hotel and say, oh, you'll never believe what the kids are doing today. And we get that. I mean, festivals are amazing because. Because of that camaraderie. Yeah. Yeah. You know, we all get in a mini bus together at the end of the day. It's like, oh, it was so cool, actually. Really? This podcast was born out of doing the mini bus experience that we, you know, Rachel, I'm talking last year about the fact that we always tell these fun stories when we're on buses. Yeah. Grew into this podcast. So it feels like school camp. But it's school camp where you actually get to drink wine. There's no teachers there. Except we did get told off for being out by the pool last night. Oh, did you? Yeah, we did. So I know we had to. We had to go inside. There was a certain cut off date. Well, that's probably for the best, which we have to go and entertain children.

And it was only like 09: 25:55

00, so it was quite early. The hotel or the festival tour? No, the hotel. Okay. This is a dog friendly hotel. Those dogs have to. Yeah, that's true. So I've done many, many festivals around Australia, which I feel very fortunate to have done. And I've seen a lot of Australia through festivals. But one of my most favourite experiences was actually as a part of Somerset story fest. Was going to long reach the last couple of years. And long reach for, you know, any listeners who don't know where Longreach is, it's about a. It's WHOOP, WHOOP. It's about an 18 hours drive from Brisbane west. It's actually about a three, three hour plane flight because you've got to touch down in another town before you can get to long reach. So we do a little bit. And so anyway, it's a fabulous town. It's the home of Qantas. It's the home of the. What's the hall of Fame? What is it? Anyway? It'll come to me. What it is. Anyway, the reason. I don't know is because I've been to Long beach twice now, and I've never done any touristy things because I've been working. It's like we come up here to the Gold coast. The first time I did this Somerset festival, I didn't even see the beach. That's like Stockman's hall of fame. So, yeah, it's, um. I mean, we are very busy at these festivals, but I went to long reach for the second time last year, and I was kind of a late inclusion in the long reach bill, and I got. They were desperately trying to get someone better. They were. And then they settled. They did settle on me. And I turned up at the Long beach school of distance education, which is this fantastic school. And these kids don't go to school during the term. They come for one week of the term because they all live on stations miles out of town. And so they do basically distance it the whole time, apart from one week, which we can all empathise with now because we had to do that so we all can wrap our minds around how hard that is. Yeah, so these kids have the girls that like what would have been governesses are now called. They're guvies. They call them the guvies, and they live on their farms and, you know, basically do the education part. Lots of parents do it, too. But anyway, I get to the school and the kids didn't know I was coming, and I walked into this brand new classroom block, which, you know, has this. In their classrooms. They have bunk beds because that's where they sleep when they're at school. And anyway, they have these great big windows in the wall, and I looked in the first room, and all these kids that I've met the previous year, they were like, you were here. You were here again. And the boy who came out to greet me, he was sort of the appointed say hello to her. Anyway, he walked out and he said to me, I love country kids. He just looked at me and he said, g'day, jacqueline Harvey. It's good to have you back in long reach. How old was he? He's eleven. Big strong handshake. Anyway, it's just got better and better this trip. So then I do a presentation for the kindy ones and twos and this little boy walks in and he has the best pair of cowboy boots I've seen in a very long time. Proper cowboy boots with his stitching and whatever. He walks in. I said, mate, they are an awesome pair of cowboy boots. And he goes, yeah, I know. And I found out what his name was and I'm not going to name the children, but anyway, we go to. We had a prologue party out at Long beach last year, which we hadn't done the before, so the little boy with the cowboy boots, he comes up to me and he goes, do you remember my name? And I said, I do. And I said, what it was? And he's added to the cowboy boots, he's added this massive ten gallon hat and it's like, you're bigger than his head. And I said, that is an awesome hat, mate. He goes, yeah, no. And he said, yeah, I got it from a bloke down the pub. I challenged him from an arm wrestle. Well, it was almost like, because later on his mum came and he got a book and I said, I said, I heard about that house. He got it from Blake down the pub. And she said, diddy Anthony wanted a bet with a drug bloke from down the boat. I said, no, he missed that bit out. But, you know, the kids were just absolute gold. I love going to the country because they, you know, there's such honesty. And these are kids because they are like mini adults, because they live with adults all the time, they get together with their peers, you know, one week of a term. Yeah. So, yeah, I always call them free range kids. They're fabulous. Yeah. When you go to those schools where there's 20 kids in the whole school and it's like, oh, yeah, Gavin always crawls around on the floor and that's just Gavin and everyone like, and none of the kids act like it's strange, it's like, oh, yeah, that's just Gavin, that's what he does. So I went to a school. I went to school where they had a special needs class, but they forgot to tell me before because it's cool. It often happens, like someone, they'll say, oh, there's someone here who's got Tourette's. So if they make some noise, that's just it. Yeah, it just reminded me of something. So I did this school, and it was. They got the whole school for the presentation because it's cheaper if they get them all in at once. So they got 600 kids at once in the hall, but they had not told me that there was a special ed unit there. So I'm doing my presentation, it's going super well. And all the teachers are sort of behind me. Like it's an assembly. It's going super well. And then all of a sudden I hear, like, this thumping and then boom. Of, like, someone getting crash tackled, like, one metre behind me. And I turn around and there's a teacher lying on top of, like, a very, very large year six boy. And I'm like, oh, no. Okay. But everyone, I look back out at the 600 kids. They're just acting like, yeah, this is a regular occurrence. Yeah. Like, was the six year old about to tackle you? No, they're. Yeah, no, yeah, I'll explain. So all the 600 kids are, like, just watching, like, continue with the story. And I'm just like. And then the teacher picks up the kid and drags them. Drags them off the stage, out through the hall. And there's a basketball court beyond. Across the basketball court, across the car park. And the kid is screaming the whole way, like he's just being told his mother was murdered, like, like, the whole way. And. But the weirdest part is all the 600 kids in the hall are just, like, not real. Yeah. Yeah. They're just react. And they're kind of annoyed because I've stopped talking for a while. And so I'm trying to get back into, you know, my story about, you know, the play talking pig. Yeah. And the kid is just screaming. It's going, you know, like, doppler effect off into the distance. And I'm telling my funny story and I'm slightly traumatised. So I get through the whole presentation. The kids love it. Oh, you're great. So funny. And I'm like, yeah, kids, I'm glad you enjoyed it. And then I turned the teacher. What was that? And they're like, ah, sorry about that. Yeah, Derek really wanted to give you a hug. Oh, my God. And I'm like, just let the boy give me a hug. And they're like, yeah, the principal, he intervened. So the principal had crash tackled this kid. And it's like, so, Derek. And it's like, is it okay if he comes up to you because he's a bit upset about the whole thing. I'm like, yeah. So Derek came up to me like, hey, miss, I loved your stories. I'm like, derek, are you okay? And he's like, yeah, I love you. I love you. So it's all okay. But it was just like, you wouldn't. I wouldn't have seen that coming. I said, you know, I don't have a problem. I have done presentations to schools where they are only special needs. I don't have a problem. But it's always helpful to know in advance. Oh, yeah. Because it can be a bit of a shock otherwise. You've reminded me of a story in my very early days of. I did a festival called. It was the ride around Australia. And it was. It was a nest lake right around Australia programme. And it used to be you had a festival sponsored by a chocolate company. Yeah. But it was. It was okay, so I'll preface this with, I did it once and that was the end of it. Did you get any chocolate? No, they didn't get chocolate. But anyway, I was stationed in the central west of New South Wales and so I was, you know, doing country schools and I took my mum with me because I was, you know, quite nervous about this whole new, new career path. And I was at a particular school and I'm setting everything up and I'm about to start talking. And anyway, I'm aware of a bit similar. The principal runs down the hall and just picks this kid up and extracts the child from the hall. And I'm looking, thinking, what was that? What was going on? And my mum was sitting really close to this kid. And afterwards my mum said. She said, what? You couldn't hear it? And I said, no. She goes, he was sitting there and he's going, well, this is boring. Bloody boring. This is bloody boring. Oh, my gosh. Anyway, it turned out this little fella had Tourette's. Yeah. And so it was an extraction. It was. It was like an undercover extraction. Gone. And, you know, here was exit at stage left. But I had a crew of, um, it was. I think it was three or four kindy classes and. And normally I would only have one class at a time, but they said, look, well, you know, can you just have a few more? Okay, fine. So I had this whole group of them, and it's book week. I'm stressed. I was late getting there because it's just traffic or whatever else. And halfway through the talk, it's going really well. I'm putting in extra energy to keep their attention. Yeah. And then this one kid just stands up and starts producing projectile vomiting. And. Ends up vomiting on the girl next to him. And she's got it in her head. And then all the teachers just rush and go grab this kid and he's. Still spewing and pick him up, and. They grab the girl and take her out. And then there's just this puddle of vomit. And I'm in the room alone with 100 kidney kids and no teachers because. They'Ve all gone off. And the kids feel like it's just on a knife edge. It's about to go nuts. And I just have to go, who wants to play? Simon says. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Simon says, turn away from the box. And so we just had to keep it going. And then the kids and this teachers slowly came back. And then I had one more session afterwards, but I had to get all that special sand, so, like, kitty litter, whatever it is, they put that on there. They put like a little. A wall of chairs around the pile and vomit. And the next class comes in and. The kids are like, what's that over here? It's nothing. Sit down. They made you do another presentation. I would have just been out of there. I'm like, you'd be in charge of the full fee. I'm going, no, you couldn't smell it, so it was fine. I had a similar. Not the projectile vomiting on all the other children, though. I had one last April week, quite a few years ago. And, you know, it's been a busy week. You know, it is a long week, and it's a lot of stuff going on. And I'm sitting, telling a story, and it was a relatively small group of kids, really. And I just looked at this little girl who's sitting right in front of me, and her face went as pale as a sheet of paper. And I said, are you okay, sweetheart? And she went. She nodded all over my shoes. That'll teach you. In the middle of the session. In the middle of the session, she just vomited all over my shoes. And I've said this in our podcast before, you're a sympathetic. And so I was like, I have to. I've got to get out of here. I've got to get out of here. I need to go have a silk shoe. I need to go in quickly, you know, take my shoes off and get away from it. So, yeah, we have all manner of it. Exciting experiences. Yeah. It's never dull in our job, is it? All right, well, we better wrap it up. James Foley. Thank you. So much for joining us. So if you want to find out more about any of us, we all have websites. So, Jackie, where's your website? Jacquelineharvey.com dot au. I'm rasprat.com. And you are? James foley.com dot au. Yes, you are indeed. Okay. Thank you so much, Allison. Until next time. Goodbye. Goodbye.